The Jurisprudence of Chuck Norris

- It is impossible to sue Chuck Norris for battery because whatever force he uses is always reasonable.

- Chuck Norris can recite ERISA from memory, word for word, but he never does it because ERISA is fucking boring.

- Congress once considered amending the Federal Rules of Evidence to make anything offered by Chuck Norris automatically admissible.

- Chuck Norris invented the common law.

- Chuck Norris does not need consideration to enforce his contracts.

- When the law of negligence first developed, liability turned on what Chuck Norris would do. The standard for conduct was later lowered to the “ordinary and reasonably prudent man.”

- Chuck Norris used to own Blackacre, but burnt it down for the insurance.

- Originally, the idea of separation of powers was a reference to the fact that Chuck Norris has two different fists.

- Chuck Norris has unlimited peremptory strikes, which he exercises by melting prospective jurors with his mind.

- Justice is blind because Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked her in the face.