People I Want to Punch in the Face #2: Most Posters on Xoxohth

Every once in a while, I see that someone [found my old blog] through a post on AutoAdmit/Xoxohth – you know, “The Most Prestigious Haven for Insecure Douchebags in the World” – and I’ll read a couple of threads. And of course, each time I do, I can’t help but think that “he needed killin’” should really be an affirmative defense to murder.

Now, don’t get me wrong – the idea of a forum for current and prospective students to discuss admissions and other shit is a great idea, and there are plenty of legitimate posters on there. Taken as a whole, however, the threads on that particular site have exceeded any reasonable quota on douchebaggery by a factor of infinity billion.

I’ll ignore for a minute that a quarter of the posts are written in the style of a prepubescent girl IMing a balding pedophile (“OMG r u trying out 4 law review LOL”). I’ll ignore all the posts about sexual topics that seem to be written by people who couldn’t get laid in an Amsterdam whorehouse on free sample day. I’ll even ignore the frequent use of the word “pwned,” easily the computer geek equivalent of collar-popping. But Jesus tittyfucking Christ, I’d sooner cut off my dick with bandsaw, glue it to my forehead, and use it to do Rosie O’Donnell up the ass, than take any advice whatsoever from that site.

The threads are more obsessed with “prestige” than flies are obsessed with shit. I swear, if I looked hard enough I could probably find a thread discussing the most prestigious special ed program to eat crayons in. But it’s all fucking meaningless. Basically, you can divide the posts into two categories: (1) debating (and I use that term very loosely) which NYC sweatshop they think will finally help them find the social acceptance they can’t get among their peers, and (2) talking shit about “TTTs” (“Third-Tier Toilets,” defined as any school below the top 14, or something equally stupid). In other words, it’s like a fucking convention of 1L gunners bragging about who has the smallest penis outlining all their classes before orientation.

Basing your life around “prestige” – in other words, what other people think of you – is probably the surest path to putting a 12-gauge in your mouth before you’re forty I can think of. Ultimately, it’s no different than spending your life trying to impress the “in-crowd,” and fuck that shit – to thine own self be true. If what you want to do happens to be “prestigious,” fucking go for it. If not, who gives a flying fuck, as long as you’re happy. In the end, all that matters is getting your genes into the next generation anyway.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes violence is the answer. Especially when it’s directed towards raging douches who argue over shit like whether it’s more prestigious to lick ass or fondle balls. And to anyone from that site who disagrees with me, or tries to start a flame war here, I’ll give you my response in advance:

Fuck you. No, seriously – fuck you.

That’s all.