Harry Potter and the Reasonable Wizard

I read Harry Potter books like I drink: with a total lack of self-control or ability to stop that has often left me waking up next to a girl whose name I don't know. Ok, maybe not. I usually know the girl's name after I go on a Harry Potter bender...

Anyway, the point is that, instead of pacing myself and savoring Book 6 like a fine sipping bourbon, I basically started chugging literary goodness straight from the bottle and my hangover's fucking killing me. Alternately, it might just be the Jager. Whatever. Either way, I still have to wait two fucking years for J.K. Rowling to hook me up with my next fix.

In one of my rare moments of sensitivity, I'll refrain from discussing the book in detail for now. I know I'd be fucking pissed if someone told me that Professor Flitwick gets thrown in Azkaban for molesting Hogwarts students, or that the judge was the murderer. (If you get that reference, I'll be fucking impressed.) However, I will say that Book 6 fucking rocks.

I've also realized that the whole fucking Harry Potter series should be on any incoming 1L's summer reading list. I'm fucking serious. Harry Potter can teach you just as much about law school as fucking One-L:

1. Just like at Hogwarts, law school teaches you to use magic words. Hell, the law is full of fucking incantations, and if you wave your hands around and mutter a bunch of silly Latin phrases magic happens. For example, "res ipsa loquitur" will conjure liability out of thin air.

2. Everyone loves gunners like Hermione Granger. Of course, most of the gunners in law school are not like Hermione Granger. For example, your typical gunner will not have sick fucks creating countdown-until-he/she-turns-18 websites about them. Also, unlike your typical gunner, Hermione Granger will probably go on to a satisfying and fulfilling life after she graduates.

3. Watch out for professors that have Dark Wizards growing out of the back of their heads. They tend to have tough curves.

4. Try out for your law school's Quidditch team. To do this, take hard drugs until you think that you can fly. Then fucking kill yourself because you think that Quiddich is a real sport. Jesus fucking Christ, what's wrong with you?

5. As demonstrated by the Weasley Twins, everyone loves a good practical joke. Although you probably can't do magic, you can still surprise everyone with bangs and smoke if you set off fireworks indoors. People will particularly appreciate this during exams. In fact, you might not have to bother with that whole "bar exam" thing and you'll have all the big firms just dying to pay you to sit around and snort blow off a Veela's ass. I don't know where I was going with this one.

6. Expect several important characters to die by the time you're ready to take the bar.

I need a fucking nap.