Library Alarms

I was exiting the law library to work on my Legislation take-home exam over at Starbucks, free from the distractions of the internet. Everything was normal up until I walked through the gate. Suddenly, sirens blared and I was immediately surrounded by what must have been 50 agents from the FBI's special "Library Police Task Force." Protesting my innocence, I struggled valiantly, but they managed to subdue me through several tasers to my testicles and brought me to the law school's "interrogation room" at the point of an M-16. I didn't know the law school even had an interrogation room.

They demanded to know what rare and valuable books I was attempting to steal. Violating every international law against torture, they stretched me on the rack and forced me to listen to Christina Aguilera. But I wasn't going to break. I knew that I was innocent. I whipped out my official Junior Lawyer Badge, and insisted that I would file a § 1983 suit if they did not release me; eventually, they let me go.

Bullshit, you say? Well, maybe it's a bit of an exaggeration. So I wasn't actually "tortured." And yes, maybe no FBI agents actually "came." But I did set off the alarm. Apparently, the DVD's I rented from Blockbuster are incompatible with the law library's security system. Who knew?

Fuck it, back to my exam.