Why I should probably be wearing a straightjacket instead of a suit and tie

So last night I tried to upstage a preacher on the way back from a journal meeting. He was one of those fire-and-brimstone-accept-Jesus-into-your-life-before-you-burn-in-hell fuckers with a bunch of assholes holding up huge signs with bible quotes, standing in front of Memorial Library. I really don't know what got into me - maybe it was the fact that they serve beer at journal meetings - maybe it was nicotine withdrawal angrying up my blood, since I just quit dipping - maybe I was just in a weird mood - but regardless, it happened.

As I passed by, I started preaching in my best televangelist voice:

"Praised be to Thor and His mighty hammer, for He is the Light and the Way. Only Thor can slay the Frost Giants. Only Thor can slay Jormagandr, the Midgard Serpent, and bring Ragnarok to a close.

"Praised be to Thor and His mighty Father Odin, who rides his six-legged steed. Only through Odin shall you enter into the eternal glory of Valhalla, and only if you die in battle. For, without Odin, you'll spend an eternity in Hel.

"In Hel, you will not spend your days in glorious battle, to be resurrected at night. In Hel you will not feast with the Gods. In Hel, you will not fornicate with the Valkyries.

"NO! In Hel, you will be prodded and poked by dwarves! DWARVES and Goblins!..."

You get the picture. I don't think the campus preacher liked me very much.

Fuck it.